I don't want to talk about this, but I think I should, because some day someone will ask me what happened, and I don't really want to lie.
My little house chicken was killed by a hawk this afternoon. She'd been spending the days outdoors all along, only recently with the cage door open, but she never left the densely landscaped area outside the back door. The hawk went in after her.
I am completely sick about this, I feel horrible. I'm heartbroken that my sweet little chickie is dead, and I feel so guilty, like I was supposed to keep her safe and look after her and I failed. I'm a total wreck tonight, I can't stop crying and my head hurts so bad. It's not fair. I know, it's life, and it's life in the country and it happens and I couldn't very well keep her caged in the kitchen forever but dammit why her? If I hadn't put her out today, if I hadn't opened the cage, if I would have just penned her up with the other birds outside in the first place and never gotten to know her, if I could have gotten out the back door just five seconds sooner...
You wouldn't think one scruffy little blue chicken could wedge herself so firmly into a person's heart, but she sure did. I'm not going to be able to let any birds loose in the yard for the day anymore. It didn't used to be like this. Stupid #$%&ing Cooper's hawks!
I'm really taking this hard. Please don't call me to talk about this, I really can't without bawling.
Rest in peace, my little blue chickie. I'm so sorry.