Gwen

When I was a kid, one of my favorite books was a story about a horse who became a unicorn when he died.  It's something that always stuck with me, and somewhere within me I'd like to believe that's what really happens when a horse dies.  Gwen became a unicorn last night.

Gwen

1987(?) - September 5, 2012

I bought Gwen in March of 2000.  I was in college, and my first horse Thunder had died eight months before that.  Gwen was about 15 hands of feisty attitude, and to say we had some issues right out of the gate would be an understatement.  She immediately went off for professional training, and returned with a vastly improved outlook.

Foot problems kept her from being the trail horse that I'd expected, but we enjoyed our flatland rides.  She retired, so to speak, at the age of about 18, when I was starting to train my young horse Shylah for riding.  And it was in her last few years that I really grew to love Gwen.  She mellowed, she softened, she was better with Shylah, and she finally seemed to really enjoy the company of people.  I could climb on her back as she stood in the corral next to the fence, and I didn't worry about her taking off.  She was perfectly happy to just stand still and get a back scratch, or if she did amble around the pasture I felt I could finally trust her.  That wasn't a bond we had early on in knowing each other.  In her late years, she was particularly good with kids, and packed around quite a few of them in little jaunts around the corral.  But she was still terrible with other horses (other than Shylah), to the point of being unsafe.  She was a bitchy old mare, but she was my bitchy old mare, and I loved her in spite of that.  Or maybe even because of that.

She had health problems, and more than once in the last couple years I wondered if her time might be coming to an end, but she always bounced back.  I worried a lot about what to do with her when I moved.  If I had been able to find the right home for her, I would have rehomed her, but I didn't find one, and bringing her with me wasn't a good option.  So she stayed in Wilton, in the pastures where she'd spent the last twelve years, and in hindsight I'm so glad she was able to live out her life there.  A few months ago, I didn't know she only had a few months left.

When I saw her a few weeks ago I was disturbed by her appearance, she was starting to decline.  I made the decision at that time that I would have her put to sleep before winter.  In the last week, she had multiple bouts of colic, all relatively minor.  Of course this was all relayed via phone call, my mom was taking care of her.  It sounded like maybe the end was going to come faster than I thought, and I couldn't deal emotionally with trying to figure out what to do from 200 miles away.  It was probably time, but should I go say goodbye or would that make things worse, and was I sure it was time, did I need to call my vet, etc...  I gave it a night to sleep on it, and yesterday I felt that I absolutely HAD to get down there, right away.  So I did, and thank goodness I did, because I arrived to find her in pretty serious distress.  It was time, there was no doubt.  I had maybe a half an hour with her before my vet arrived, and it gave me time to say goodbye.  I sat on the ground with her and put my hands on her, and it was the first time since I'd gotten there that she stopped rolling and thrashing, and was still... calm... peaceful.  I told her I loved her, and I told her goodbye, and I told her what was about to happen and that soon she would stop hurting.  I know the words don't mean anything to animal, but on some level I'm sure she understood.

I stayed until my vet arrived, and then I had to leave.  I couldn't watch when Thunder was put to sleep, and I couldn't watch Gwen either.  As she was already flat on the ground, I know she went easy and just slipped away.

Losing an animal you love is a terrible painful experience, and I think losing a horse may be worst of all.  It breaks my heart that she is gone, I am crying writing this, but there is also a tremendous sense of relief that she's no longer hurting and I no longer have to wonder when the time would be right.

So I have two unicorns in that great pasture in the sky now, Gwen and Thunder.  I miss them both, I always will.

a lot on my mind

I'm down in Wilton right now, spending a couple days down here.  I had some things I wanted to do for myself (process peaches and plums, check chickens, start packing chicken stuff) and I also came down to give my mom a hand with a few of her projects.  So I've gotten a ton of stuff done but still have a very full schedule tomorrow.

I can't remember if I already wrote about this, but I had released the peafowl about a week and a half ago.  They seemed ready, and Nara had healed up extremely well from her broken leg.  They came and went for a few days, and then they went... and haven't been back... for almost a week.  It's easy, and unpleasant, to think that something may have caught them, and yes it's possible and yes I knew the risks, but since I knew they were fine for several days, and I would see them foraging far from the house, I think the more likely scenario is they have wandered off and found some place they like better.  Peafowl are notorious for this.  My peafowl-experienced friends have also told me it's not unusual for them to immediately disappear for a week or even two, exploring as far as they can, before they return home and stick around.  I sincerely hope that's what they are up to.  They are such totally cool birds, it makes me sad to think they might not come back, so keep your fingers crossed that they're just out on walkabout for a while.  Or, if they decided to live down by the creek where it's shadier and cooler, I wouldn't blame them, and then at least I could walk down there and visit them.

I brought Olin with me when I drove down here, I didn't want to leave him alone in the loft for that many days.  He does not like being alone, so I thought he'd be happier coming back here.  He does seem rather happy, he promptly went outside and I hadn't seen him until finally he came in this evening!  Mom said she saw him twice between then and now though.  I jokingly said to her that we may end up with shared custody of him, and if he doesn't show up when I'm ready to leave, that may well be true... he'll end up staying down here for a while.  And truth is I still wonder if leaving him here would be better for him anyway.  I know he's not happy being indoors all the time, and he definitely drives me crazy with all that meowing.  I know that's a hard transition and I know it would take time, obviously more than a month.  I don't know, sigh.  If he stays here gets to be outside and around Homer (Mom's cat), but he doesn't have a person he likes all that much.  If I keep him with me, he stays indoors, but I've always been "his person" he's so affectionate with me.  He is SO dear to me, I don't want to leave him behind, but I don't know how much time it will take for him to be happy up there, or if he ever would.  I guess with the peafowl gone, putting him out in their old aviary sometimes is an option.  I just don't want to let him loose, he wanders like crazy, and there are way too many predators.  Could I really only see my little boy a few times a year for the rest of his life though?  I don't like this idea...

As you remember, my horse Shylah moved up to Oak Run with me, but my old mare Gwen stayed here in Wilton.  Gwen is not doing well.  Age is definitely catching up to her, and she has the looks of some pretty serious heart trouble.  I think I'm seeing the beginning of the end.  It won't happen right now, I'm not ready to say "it's time" but I'm saying it's time to figure out the options, because I think it will be time pretty soon.  I HATE this.

Dang, this is really not the cheeriest blog post is it.  There are good things this weekend too!  I've had a good time visiting family and friends!  Yeah, okay, I'll just go to bed before this gets even more depressing.

Gwen drawing finished

I finished this about a week ago.  I was on a deadline to get it done before I needed to leave town.  I'll be honest, if I could go back and do some things differently I would.  And likely I will make some changes to it after the show where I needed to enter it.  This isn't a custom piece, it's something I did for myself, a portrait of my mare Gwen, who lives 200 miles away from me now.

"Gwen in the late fall"
10.5 by 12.5 inches
graphite and charcoal on velour
not for sale

June 27 work in progress

Getting there!

June 26 work in progress

I started this in January, I worked on it while I was at a show. And then I didn't touch it til June, when I took it to Blade Show and worked on it there too. Now I need to finish it by the end of the day Thursday so I can enter it in a show.

not yet titled
11 by 13.5 inches
graphite and charcoal on velour

we wish you a Merry Christmas!

Gwen update

Good news! The old gal appears to have made a full recovery from a really bad case of colic. She passed the obstruction and is back to her old self. Thank goodness! I am sooo relieved, and so happy she's okay. :-)

Old animals can be such heartbreakers. You really never know what's around the corner. She's 25 and has a few other health issues, but obviously she wasn't ready to cross that bridge just yet! Whew!

Gwen update

Oy vey, this has been a stressful day.

At my last blog posting, it was shortly after Gwen's vet appointment, and her prognosis was not so hot. For several hours she just stood in the corral with her head down, looking pretty pathetic and getting rained on (hey, you can give a horse a 12x16 stall, it doesn't mean she'll use it!).

When I went out around 3:30 to check her, she was much worse than she had been for the few hours before that. When standing, she was constantly kicking her belly. When laying down, she would turn and look at her belly or bite at herself. Obviously in pretty serious distress, still no gut sounds... Picture an old horse on her side on the muddy ground, and her owner kneeling next to her sobbing and you'll pretty much know what that was like. I just kept thinking about the day when my first horse Thunder was put to sleep, and how I thought at that time that if I'd known the day beforehand that it would be the last day, I would have spent more time with her. It felt like it might be the day beforehand... and I stayed there for a long time.

By 5 she really hadn't changed.

Around 7 she seemed a little better. Still extremely lethargic and reluctant to move, but not kicking or biting at herself. But there was the faintest rumbling of gut gurgles, and she was starting to pass gas. You wouldn't think a person could get so excited about horse farts, but when your horse is potentially life-threateningly impacted, gas is glorious.

Around 9:30 she was actually alert and nickered when I walked into the barn. She wanted food, but was only allowed a tiny handful of grain. Still had not passed any impacted anything, but the guts are rumbling and that's a good sign!

So, keep your fingers crossed! She's not out of the woods but she's closer to the exit.

I am just so glad that I happened to see her this morning. If she had gone out into the pasture I wouldn't have seen her laying down when I went out to catch the birds, and would have left for Reno at 9am. Mom would not have found her til late this evening, and that could have been a really bad situation...

Life with animals, it's always something! I'll keep y'all posted!

plans gone awry

Crap. I was supposed to be on my way to Reno today for a poultry show. Actually, if things had gone as planned I would already be there. Jan and I were going to leave this morning so as to get across the Sierras before it started to snow.

But when I went out to box up the birds this morning I found that my old mare Gwen had not eaten her breakfast and was flat on the ground in the corner of the corral. Crap. I got her up and walked her... 15 minutes... a half hour... an hour... and she didn't improve. She was kicking her belly every time we stopped, and just wanted to lie down. If we were going to leave we needed to hit the road, but I couldn't leave so Jan went without me and I called a vet.

It's a bad case of colic, probably an impaction. Her vitals were pretty poor, so it's really kind of "wait and see" right now. The vet was not terribly optimistic about her prognosis, but she's up and was nosing around a bit, that's good.

I am of course staying home, I need to be with her and keep and eye on how she's doing. Jan just texted and said she made it to Reno, and I'm glad to hear that. I hope everyone has fun at the poultry show, I wish I could be there! Thank goodness this didn't happen after I left though.

I will keep you posted, blog-readers. Please send good thoughts to the old horsey.

Oh, on a super sad note, but one that at least gives closure (though opens up even more mystery), while walking Gwen around the pasture I found what was left of Pablo by the far fence line... a wing. I'm even more mystified, but maybe he did escape the coop in the early morning hours and was taken by a hawk. I'll never know. :-(

*sigh* :-(

Wordless Wednesday

of camera-shy dogs and helpful horses

Okay seriously, can someone please slow time down a little bit? I need more hours, more days, more weeks....

Eeek!

There is a particular photograph I'm trying to take of Angus, because I want to use it (well, "them" I guess, I want several photos) as a reference for a drawing. When the front door is open in the morning, he'll lay on the tiles and look out at the world through the screen door, watching the neighbors, waiting for the dog biscuit fairy, etc. The lighting is lovely, and he's so cute with his ears just slightly perked, his eyebrows all curious....

But if you point a camera at his face and he catches you doing it, he kinda shuts down. He'll turn away, walk away, look dejected, look guilty, look miserable, etc. None of which is what I want, so I'm going to have to enlist a little help (perhaps bearing dog biscuits) for this photo shoot. See, these photos just don't show the expression I'm aiming for! Ha ha ha...



Speaking of camera-shy, that doesn't apply to the horses at all. (Whoa, was that like the worst transition ever?) My horses have very different personalities. One way to notice this difference is to prepare for some sort of activity around the barn. This is the sort of response you'll get from Gwen:

Right, she doesn't give a rat's butt what I'm doing, she's busy.

Shylah, on the other hand, is always ready for adventure:

Even if the adventure is something really mundane like... picking up poo! Oh yeah, she's REALLY "helpful" with everything, has to inspect everything, and is pretty much in my way the entire time.


A friend of mine takes home buckets of horse manure for his compost pile... that bucket is empty! Shylah likes to give everything a "pre-fill inspection."



And then Mom brought out some overly ripe zucchinis and put them in Shylah's feeder....

Angus says "Hey Shylah, whatcha got there, smells good!"

And he proceeded to clean up everything she dropped, and she proceeded to drop large chunks of half-chewed zucchinis onto him. Gross!

And then she cleaned him up a bit! Ooooh I was laughing so hard!

What a bunch of dorks!

animal bath day!

It was about a hundred degrees outside, and I was getting annoyed at being nagged to do things that I already know I need to do (OH I hate that! grr!), so I decided to go outside give all the 4-legged black animals baths today. They got real clean and I got real gross, but it was worth it!

Angus is fairly stoic about the whole thing.

Aaaack!

Sudsy Shylah!

Washing Shylah!

Washing Gwen!

Gwen, who actually enjoys baths, still manages to ALWAYS stand on the hose and reduce the water to a trickle...

Clean girls!

Pretty Shylah!

I had to put them in the shade to spend some time brushing out their manes and tails. Whew it was hot!

All done, Shylah says "I'm outta here!"

So long, horses!

So clean, it'll last for at least a few minutes, right?

Uh oh...

Aw heck...

Come on!

Oh well, it never lasts...

The end...

And Angus resumes his usual position...