greener pastures

This has been a difficult last few days with the horse situation out at the ranch where I'm barn-sitting. Thankfully it is now over. The horse was euthanized late last night, and I'm relieved that he's no longer in pain. Were he my horse, it would have been done much sooner. Have you ever had an animal look you and tell that it's time to go? It's a heartbreaker. As I was walking back up from taking the other horse out to pasture yesterday morning, the sick horse stood out in his paddock, wobbly and frothing, with his face pressed firmly against the bars of the corral (did this ease his breathing somehow?). He locked eyes with me the whole way up there, turning his head as I went past his corral and staring intently at me. It's a look at that says "Please help me" and I've seen it before. I couldn't help but break down and cry, and I held his face in my hands and told him how sorry I was that this was happening and that I wished I could help him and he didn't deserve this, and that I wished I'd gotten to know him when he was well.

It's heart-wrenching.

He was supposed to have an appointment with a different vet yesterday evening to put him down, but somehow (and I don't know the story here) his regular vet wanted to see him, so the other appointment was cancelled and the regular vet came out last night. I was not there. I had so hoped that someone else would see him, someone with functioning brain cells who could actually tell these people what was happening. And yes, I admit I wanted confirmation that I was correct in my diagnosis of congestive heart failure. Instead, the regular vet went on about some abdominal soft tissue tumor nonsense. Are you freaking kidding me? This person is allowed to practice veterinary medicine?

*sigh*

I am just glad that he is no longer suffering, and has gone to greener pastures.